Fitten4

But it is the economy, Stupid!
By Marc Fitten

Well, we’ve gotta hand it to the Republicans. They took the ball and ran with it. They are now in control of every branch of government. The Democrats have proven themselves to be completely useless, and now there is even talk brewing that the Democratic Party will become a permanent minority. And the scariest part of all is the fact that no one seems to think that any of this is scary.

How did the Republicans manage this? Well, while most critics are in agreement that the Democrats didn’t present a clear alternative, I’d like to present the argument that the American people—ah, the masses!—were hoodwinked. When examined, the events that have brought us to where we are now—a faltered economy and the brink of war—what we find is that The Republican Party has been putting into practice everything they are supposedly against, and no one is mentioning it. Let’s recap:

It all began with Al Gore winning the popular election. Al Gore had more votes. Luckily for Dubya, votes in a popular election don’t count—they never have. Let’s get something straight, people. We don’t live in a pure democracy. We have what is called a democratic republic (read: the electoral college just might be called an “oligarchy”).

Anyway, Dubya really wins his election in the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court issued a ruling essentially stating that all the votes didn’t have to be counted. While this in itself did not seem like a big deal to the masses (and just why not, I can’t explain), it was a monumental victory for the Republicans.

See, the fact is, Republicans are supposedly known for their support of a strong state government and weak federal government. That’s why they’re always saying “no” to things like health care and education. Republicans feel that the federal government should be hands-off. If this were true, then a true Republican would not have appealed the Florida court’s decision and would have been supportive of that decision, allowing the votes to have been counted.

And, yes, maybe Dubya would have won anyway. The fact is, we’ll never know. It didn’t happen that way. The opposite happened. The Republicans supported, wholeheartedly, the federal court’s decision—weakening, as a result, every state in the Union. It’s true. Do you think I could make this up? It will be interesting to see what happens if that type of election debacle happens again and the Democrats win. One might suppose we’ll then hear a lot of arguments in favor of States’ rights.

In Dubya’s first year of office, all hell breaks loose. Terrorists attack and Dubya is instantaneously transformed into a demigod. Only days before he was a punch line. Comedy Central even had a sitcom based upon him (it was very good). This new demigod manages—and this is what might make him a political genius—to convince the average working American, that he is looking out for them, that he is capable of understanding the hardships of people who have to worry about paying rent.

The masses can’t get enough. Apparently, they believe him. His approval ratings go up. Meanwhile, the Dow and Nasdaq plummet and we’re beginning to hear of a company named Enron…whose CEO, Ken Lay, just happens to be a friend of Dubya’s. How many of you average Joe’s out there have a friend worth billions? Empathize? Right.

To confound us, the Republicans begin talking about the implementation of the Department of Homeland Security and how Democrats are holding up its development. Now, this is where it gets strange, because the party that believes in small federal government wants to create the biggest federal department in more than fifty years and the party that’s known to increase government spending is hampering them! It really is just too much at one sitting; I know, but wait, there’s more.

The evil genius mastermind Osama bin Laden gets away at Tora Bora. We had him cornered, but for some reason we don’t opt for an all-out ground assault. Why? While I’m certainly cynical enough to believe that he is useful to our present government, I’ll not make any unfounded claims. Apparently, though, for some reason or other we can’t commit to an all-out ground offensive. Fair enough, if you leave it at that. Yet, just a year later we’re itching at the trigger finger to take on the “Butcher of Baghdad” (Sadaam Hussein’s nom de guerre).

Now don’t get me wrong! I don’t think we’ve gotten anywhere near our pound of flesh in retribution. What I’m wondering about, however, is what miraculously happened over the space of a year, that our armed forces are suddenly ready to go? I haven’t the foggiest. But, if the demigod says we’re ready, I guess we’re ready.

Of course, the year has been rocky. Enron was just the start. MCI collapsed soon after, then Global Crossing, and now United Airlines. Hundreds of thousands of average Joe’s have had their savings wiped out. Poof! Like that, all your money is gone!

Now, here’s the punch line: Dubya cares! The Republican Party cares. Cheney, Rumsfield, and Wolfowitz care so much, they’re planning to send America’s children into war. Not their children, of course. Their children probably have cozy government or corporate jobs. Your children, America!

And while you’re worrying about whether or not little Johnnie is coming home, Republicans won’t remind you about the economy. And anyone who does bring up a question or criticism will most likely end up in front of the yet to be reinstated House of Un-American Activities.

This is how much the Republicans care. They care so much, that not one major arrest has been made, not one major corporate executive is going to jail. I know it’s a pretty funny joke, but apparently the masses—you—have bought it hook, line, and sinker. Are you still laughing?

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